As I think back on the last couple days, the word lavish keeps rising up in my heart. I looked up the definition for better understanding; one of its meanings is to bestow something generously and extravagantly.
Wow lavishing me was exactly what God did this weekend. In all honesty, I have been overwhelmed lately with feeling stuck, and disconnected, and exhausted. Though my faith grounds me in each hard moment, in this season my heart has lacked the fullness of joy that is promised in Him. This week I hit a place of crying out, telling God I needed to see that I was not forgotten, that He was still working on my behalf. He is a good Father. I had full faith He would show up because a good Father is a comforter. And He did.
On Saturday, I got to attend the Live Salted conference in Seattle. Being in a room with hundreds of other young adult women who were there to worship and learn, I felt a wave of expectancy and strength surrounded by a multitude of Christ centered women. Spaces of community and praise have been largely lacking in my life, so being in an environment like this was a true gift, but God had so much more to give me on this day.
I must preface this by telling you I love the holy spirit. We talk about everything, he and I. I left my house the morning of the conference telling him that while I love to speak with and spend time with him, I have been feeling so lonely in a human sense. This year has been a strange one. Lots of transition, lots of sanctification, not a lot of like minded people around me to share the burdens and the triumphs of life with. So I told God it would mean a ton for him to speak to me through other people that day, if nothing more than for a moment of meaningful human interaction with other people who wholeheartedly love the Lord. That was my hopeful prayer answered one hundred times over. While the conference itself was amazing, it is the personal ways in which God met me that I will never forget.
While the Salt conference is not a particularly charismatic gathering, they certainly leave space for the spirit to move. I absolutely loved the boldness and the openness and the faith with which one girl got onstage and shared a few words of knowledge as we transitioned from a preaching lesson into a time of worship and prayer. One word in particular nailed itself to my heart and I knew without hesitation it was for me. Though the exact words are lost in that powerful moment, I do remember parts that stood out. She said, “someone here has been going through a season of transition for eight months. And you feel frustrated… I’m here to tell you not to doubt God but to doubt your doubts.” The specificity of eight months caught my attention. How the holy spirit hit me with those words like a heavy weight solidified the thought that this word was mine from Him. In a season of feeling particularly anonymous, God sees me. My heart was racing and I was burning up hot in a way that can only be described as a supernatural exchange between heaven and my heart.
During worship, I went to the front of the sanctuary for prayer and though I can’t explain why, I found myself weeping as the prayer of a lady I did not know covered me. Sometimes, we all need someone to stand in the gap with us and God, to fill the cracks in our foundation with intercession and comfort. A few of her prayers were especially seared into me and I wrote them down later. She spoke of the promise being in the process, and the process as part of the plan on the way to the promise. The last eight months have felt something like the Israelites wandering the desert, and all the while the holy land is in their sights. The promise is visible, but unreachable. But in this time of prayer it occurred to me that the provision I need for the journey toward my own personal promises from God are being provided in the process of waiting and walking blindly by faith.
She spoke also of the oil of the spirit, of the promise, and how it is pressed out by holy pressure. I am all too familiar with the pressure. As she prayed, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I felt the weights of fear and of doubt and of insignificance lift and the peace of God rest on me in their place. I felt myself being prayed straight into his heart. Her words were powerful, full of wisdom, and most importantly they were personal: they were God’s words to me. And I felt a renewed sense of strength as my heart grappled with the truth that every part of me is tethered to the goodness and the plans he has for me and that he won’t let me miss it.
After the lunch break, they raffled off the three prizes. One amazing thing Live Salted does at their conferences is a feminine hygiene drive to donate to local organizations that help women experiencing homelessness. Any person who brought products got raffle tickets for different giveaways. At any rate, I got some tickets and put a few into each of the different raffles (hoping especially that I might win an incredibly cute jean jacket!) You guys, no joke. At the time of the live raffle, I won every. single. one. It was slightly embarrassing and quite shocking. I made my friend go up to the stage to get some stuff. (Later, I did have a divine opportunity to give some of the won items away and to speak encouragement to another girl in attendance which was amazing). As the raffle finished and the conference continued, I asked God why I had just won ALL THREE raffles when there were lots of deserving girls in the room. His words were like honey to my soul when I felt him telling me that He wanted to show me that not only did he love me, he loves me lavishly. That not only does he see me, He singles me out from a crowd. Let me speak truth to you today; He has that very same love and those very same intentions toward you too.
I am overwhelmed by all the ways God tangibly reminded me of his extravagant love this weekend. I pray that each and every person who reads this begins to know the love of God not just intellectually or theologically, but experientially. For anyone who is also in a season of waiting, or wandering, or wilderness, God is so for you and the promises are coming. They are coming.
grace upon grace 